Life settles back to some semblance of normalcy. I have really enjoyed the past two months of acting and making all these connections, but boy am I ready for a break.
Student films are interesting – they are wonderful to work on because the people are genuinely nice (most of the time) and have this bright twinkle in their eyes that comes from the newness of living their dreams. I remember it all fondly. Sure, I was in debt up to my eyeballs. I ate a combination of pop tarts and sun chips most days, stayed up so late that I could barely see straight and probably consumed alcohol at inappropriate hours. And those were some of my best times of my entire life. However, in my case, I burned out and never recovered, realizing it was not the path for me.
Now I’m at home, doing “regular” things. I scoured our accounts today and came up with a new budget in order to save a bit more and be prepared for emergencies (there have been quite a few lately), I cleaned the house, did laundry, planned meals, made appointments… all the things I’ve been neglecting, and all the things I’ve missed doing.
We have a lot to plan. There’s an insanely long list of things to get done before we tackle the eyesore that is our fence. We’re fortunate enough to have my dad around, who will probably save us around 60% of the cost with the “smaller” projects because he will help us do them ourselves. This is both the joy and the burden of owning your own home. This also leads me to the title of this blog post –
You can’t really have it all. At least, you can’t all at the same time. While I’ve been out pursuing my dreams, my husband, dogs and house have all taken a hit. No, none of them complained (well, maybe the dogs did), but I still felt bad they had to fend for themselves. Not only that, but my poor husband had to pick up a lot of my slack. He even cooked dinner AND cleaned up! What a guy! I’ve missed my family, I’ve missed having a schedule and I’ve missed sleep. But I loved it while I did it. And I’ll love it when I do it again. That’s just how it works, this crazy thing called life. You learn when to sacrifice and when to indulge in order to get the best experiences. I’m not complaining. It’s taken such a long time for me to realize where my passions lie, so I’m willing to be on this teeter-totter in order to live out my dream.