So, this is my first post about music! It certainly won’t be my last.
If you’ve read my “About” section, you know that I used to perform and record music, but turned away from it (for multiple different reasons). After all these years, I’m finally (genuinely) ready to start it over again. Like, start from a clean slate.
At first, I was completely terrified. I had all those awful thoughts: I’m too old to start over, too old to learn new instruments, too old to do everything… blah blah blah! Eventually, I came to my senses and realized I was being ridiculous. You’re never too old to do what you want to do. Sure, I’m still a little nervous. I’m rusty. My fingers don’t work the same. Mainly, it’s because I don’t have the blind courage I had when I was younger, when I really thought I could do it anything in the world.
There are some benefits to being older and “wiser” though.
For instance, I’m much more meticulous. I take time to really dive into everything, trying to learn as much as I can. I don’t get tunnel vision anymore. I am able to see a bigger picture, and really see how I can incorporate it into my life and all the other stuff in it.
I’m not afraid of failure. I know it’s not a big deal if I fall flat on my face. I’m a lot more likely to laugh it off and try again. When I was younger, failure kept me paralyzed. In fact, it completely contributed to my never succeeding. In ANYTHING. I also don’t have any pressure. Now, I just want to play. Even if my dogs are my only audience, I’m happy.
I’m not sure what is about this year, but I feel like I can actually do things. It’s quite liberating.
Last September, I inherited an Auto harp from my husband’s grandfather. It was this really weird moment, because a couple years before then, I had a professor tell me to learn to play. We were talking about my screen writing, and how it reminds of him of old folk music. It was actually an amazing compliment to me. He said he thought I would like an Auto harp. And I told him I’d get one and learn to play – and he said to let him know if I ever decided to perform. I always kept this conversation in the back of my mind. So when grandpa John offered it up to me, my mind kind of blew up. John told me he expected me to be playing it for him next time he saw me. He saw some sort of spark in me, even before I felt the spark.
Unfortunately, John passed away before he could see me play, but I’m still going to play it. Because if there were ever anything such as signs, that old Auto harp is one. Two people who didn’t know each other, that barely knew me, brought up the same instrument.
Life is weird sometimes. I’ve always known I’d get back to music. Nothing completes me more than music. But I think that’s true of the best people.