So yesterday, I decided to bake cookies for my dogs. Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally one of those people who are obsessed with their animals and treat them like human children. However, I never ever dreamed I’d be baking cookies for them. But they ran out of bedtime treats. We didn’t have any money to get any for a while. So… naturally… I baked some for them.
Yup. I managed to find cookie cutters in my house in the shapes of puppies and kitties. For anyone that’s curious about the recipe, I got it here. I used this particular one because I had all the ingredients and it looked easy (it was). I modified it to be gluten free (because I’m gluten free, and do not own wheat flour) by using Pamela’s Artisan multi-purpose flour, and coconut flour. I also had to add more water to get that sticky texture and to make it less crumbly. That was all. I burned the last batch, and was worried I’d have to throw them out, but then I realized they were dogs and would still love them.
So now on to girly things. Now, I consider myself to be very progressive and whatnot, and I hate gendering things, however, for this post, it’s all about the girl stuff. Feminine. Anyone who identifies as woman. That sort of thing. So don’t get offended if you think I’m excluding people, I just have an intense feeling to celebrate the woman stuff right now. OK.
I’m quickly approaching “that time of the month,” and therefore have been dealing with all the aches and pains that go along with it. However, this month, I had a light bulb go off in my head that totally changed my perception of things. For whatever reason, I just had this flood of emotion go through me that just really loved being a woman. I’ve never wanted to be a woman. Even as a young girl, I wanted to grow up to be a boy. Because girl stuff sucked. And I thought the same as a teen. And even as an adult, I was conditioned to hate everything about being a girl. Periods. Childbirth. Menopause. Harassment. Unequal pay. The list goes on. Older women in my life did this really weird thing where they wear it all like a badge of honor. They don’t like it necessarily, but they got through it, and everything sucked but oh well. And maybe I’m just paranoid, but I swear I saw a glint of revenge in their eyes as soon as I went through puberty.
But you know what? The things that matter, the things that make me a woman (not societal things), I truly do LOVE. I LOVE the fact that my body changes with every single little change in the air. I’m so sensitive to it all. I feel like I won the lottery, because I am more in tune with nature because of how my body is made and reacts. Even though I was taught the only reason to have breasts and a period was to prepare oneself for motherhood, I see it totally differently now. Sure, yes, having children is strongly tied to those things. But they are not the only reason for them, in my opinion.
Because I cannot have children, I have had the honor to get to know my body in a different way. I’ve had the chance to see all the other things it can do. I listen to it more now. I understand it more.
I don’t feel resentment towards my body. If it’s tired because of cramps, it’s OK to slow down and listen to it. It’s not trying to kill me. It’s talking to me about its cycle. Is it different this month? Did gorging on pizza help or did cupcakes help better? Some yoga moves make me cry. Why?
I’m not saying that “non-women” can’t be sensitive. Again, I’m just having a personal celebration party. I also really wanted to write an honest post about girly things, because I never generally feel “safe” to be feminine. In work, it’s seen as a fault. In school, no one would work on my films if I spouted girly, feminine things. In fact, a teacher even told us to not make “sensitive” films (you know, ones about feelings and emotions outside of anger and aggression – even sadness was acceptable, unless it got messy). I think it’s a sad thing, when people can’t be sensitive. Softness does not equate weakness, just as being feminine does not mean you’re soft. Things are way more complex than that, and I love it.
Until next time.